Srila Govinda Maharaj often joked with me, "its not easy being a Temple President" he would say and grin.
Of course we don't have 'Temple Presidents' in Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math, the Temple President follows the ISKCON model. The equivalent of the Temple President in Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math is the Secretary. Srila Govinda Maharaj considered 'President' to be too lofty a title for the local mission head and so gave the more humble title of 'Secretary.' There is only one 'President' in the Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math model and that is the President-Acharyya.
In any case Srila Govinda Maharaj often used this expression in a light-hearted way to recognise the difficulties in being the deputed head of the local mission branch (and therefore in a much smaller way) and indeed the overall head of the mission as he himself was.
Before Srila Govinda Maharaj gave me charge of the London Math my service was much more general certainly since I became a grihasta in 1993. I sometimes cooked the feast on Sunday or on festival days, drove devotees for fund raising, gave the occasional class, joined the kirttan and generally helped out as much as I could in any way that was required.
I suggested many devotees (in my humble opinion) much more qualified than myself to Srila Gurudev to serve as the head in London but finally he was only satisfied when I said, "If you want, I will take charge?" "Yes," he said, "that is what I want!" So, for better or for worse, I became the Secretary of the London Math. That was ten years ago now.
When Srila Govinda Maharaj returned the following year he said to me, "Before, you were very relaxed and worry free, but now I see your face is all pinched and pained. It's not easy being a Temple President, Prabhu."
It has not been and is not an easy service and I'm sure that many will tell you that I have done a pretty poor job. I admit it! Sometimes it frankly overwhelms me but I have to continue to try. I am very fallen and inadequate, but as much as my small capacity allows I am sincerely trying to do this service for the satisfaction of Srila Govinda Maharaj.
Over the years some have thought that someone else should take charge and always I have said to Srila Govinda Maharaj, "If that is your desire then I will serve them." His reply surprised me. He said to me, "But Srila Guru Maharaj was always in favour of you and it is my desire also that you continue in this service."
Srila Gurudev was always aware of my shortcomings and my personal difficulties (how could he not be?) and he knew only too well how fallen and unqualified I am. He knew that I am not a money man or a big preacher. In all ways I am a very ordinary person but I know that Srila Govinda Maharaj had faith in me in two respects. He was confident that I would not misuse Srila Guru Maharaj's money or property for myself and secondly that by Srila Guru Maharaj's grace I could properly represent the conception of Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math as befitting his dignity and the desire of Srila Govinda Maharaj.
In February this year I met with Srila Govinda Maharaj for the last time in his manifest lila and bowing down at his lotus feet I asked him, "Maharaj, are you happy for me to continue as the Secretary of your London Math?" He very graciously replied, " Of course Prabhu, you are our pillar in London."
" Whatever I am is only what you have made me Gurudev." I said.
" It is Krishna's grace." he said with his folded hands touching his head.
These were the last words I heard from his lotus mouth in this world and perhaps it is shameless of me that I should repeat them here. Self-promotion is after all, at odds with Mahaprabhu's creed and perhaps the most difficult aspect of my service is when I have to assert myself in front of the Vaishnavas. I hope the readers of this blog will forgive me for that. I hope the Lord will give me strength to do that whenever it is required and to give me the wisdom to recognise when it is not.
I continue my service only by the good will and support of the devotees. Their grace and kindness is my salvation. I once again dedicate myself to their service and if the good Lord will allow, for as long as I have strength to do so.
